Lovers & Losers

I really feel like, if I try to lose weight just to attract men that I will be a sell out of my virtues, my self worth & my self-respect.  This is also why I'll never pay for a gay hooker.

Call me old fashioned but I'm still a firm believer in love.

I resent the fact that I was raised in a generation where Gay men could only feel intimacy with other men in bath houses, bathrooms, the bushes, truck stops, adult arcades or any other seedy places of ill repute.  I did fall into that bath house trap back in the 90's when I needed that instant gratification.

Now that I'm 41, I'm just now discovering how AIDS Activist Larry Kramer uttered these same sentiments on being Gay and trying to find love in the 80's.  Larry said the reason why we live in the generation of AIDS is because theres no love.

Well I got news from everyone.  I've been carrying the torch for love my whole life and will keep carrying it for as long as I can.  I'm a firm believer in that magical chemistry that two people can have between each other, I just only wish that I could truly experience it the way everyone dreams about.  

A while ago when I waited tables in a restaurant, I did attract a nice Salvadorian man to me but he was too young.  I didn't want to ruin him so I stayed away.  When we went on a movie date, he wanted me to sit way in the back with him and I guess, was waiting for me to bust a move.

The next day after the movie when I saw him at work, he teased me by saying that I was upset with him because I didn't get any play from him that night.

I just remember turning to him and saying, "muthafucka, if I wanted play from you I would've gotten it from you already" .  I did see him again recently and he was still looking good.  

I really hope I get to meet somebody like that again but around my age.

I have another friend who believes that his friends are his lovers, thats a nice sentiment but I personally like to keep my friends as friends and my lovers as lovers. 

I did try to give my number to this cutie who worked at Fishermans Wharf but I haven't seen him around in a while, I think he changed jobs.  As you guys can see, I'm still trying. 

I really don't know tomorrow will bring, I just hope whoever he turns out to be, that he treats me good and has a big one. 

xoxo